I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
