dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
