I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
