She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
