Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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