uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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