U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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