i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
