hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
