idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
