do herpes really smell.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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