My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
