I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
