Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
