the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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