Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Your mouth is God's brothel.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
