That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
