come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
