I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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