Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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