Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
