So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Green mimosas i think yes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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