i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
