i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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