apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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