Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
