listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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