Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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