question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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