Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry about my life...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
