someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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