Small penises have feelings too.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
