just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize