i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize