We're like a lot better than the average bears
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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