and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we're making bets on your personal life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
