What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
