This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
