he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
