When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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