Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
