Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
