His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
