He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
