Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize