apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
