I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
