is your mom at the bar?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
