this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
