did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize