your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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