i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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