so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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