I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
