just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
