Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
