I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
