i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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