If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
