If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
