We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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