there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
