how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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