So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
