Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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