i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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