I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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