Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
