In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
