who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize