I cannot find my penis.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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