U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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