Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
