the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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