She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
