Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
