If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were destined to go to rehab together
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am one with the molecules
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
