Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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