I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
