I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
