I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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