you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
