Got a toothbrush?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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