Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
