glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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