He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
