i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is wine microwaveable?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
