cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
