god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
