Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is Oprah even human
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
