This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
