I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
