So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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