hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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