I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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